Why I Love Magic Mushrooms

Author’s note: This essay was not written with the intention of encouraging anyone to use psilocybin mushrooms. Rather, I wrote this piece with the intention of merely sharing my experience. It really must be stressed that this is my experience, and that each and every individual experience will be just that: individual. While I consider psilocybin to have a positive impact on my life, you may find that the same compound has the effect opposite. Furthermore, if you are struggling with mental illness, please refrain from self-medicating and talk with a doctor.

My Journey With Magic Mushrooms

For a long while, I have wanted to talk about this. But I have been too afraid—afraid of the judgment of those who will disapprove—and afraid I might lead a reader down what could be the wrong path for them.

However, I truly believe that psychedelics are an undervalued tool for introspection and expansion. I envision a future in which psychedelic therapy is normalized and utilized. And I pray that one day it will be more commonplace to trip shrooms than it will be to risk alcohol poisoning.

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Reaching Beyond The Trivial: A Quest For Meaning In A Bullshit-Filled World

A year ago today, I released an essay titled ‘The Good Life’ Is NOT The Four-Hour Work Week. The essay preaches about how happiness—true happiness—is derived, not from fame, money or luxury, but from spending one’s time doing meaningful work. True happiness comes from cultivating a sense of Life Purpose.

The main criticism I received on the essay was that it failed to address the systemic causes of the, as Jon Vervaeke calls it, ‘meaning crisis’. My readers seemed to agree on the notion that the problem is not that us young folk cannot find our purpose because we are too busy pursuing fame, money and luxury. From their perspective, the problem lies in the forty-hour work week; for, if we are to spend at least a third of our lives working, and another third sleeping (ideally), then how are we supposed to find and realize our purpose in the limited time that is leftover?

Upon reading these criticisms, my heart sank. As a writer who currently makes bread by working in the beauty industry, this really is the fight I am up against: Because ‘time is money’, I have a limited amount of time to tell all the stories I want to tell, and a limited amount of time to communicate all the ideas I dub meaningful.

Through all my writing—from my fictional works such as The Sun and Moon Saga to essays like this one—my intention is to help the reader find meaning in an otherwise meaningless world, in a world filled with more and more bullshit each and every day. But is capitalism solely to blame for our meaning crisis?

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The Splitting Fawn: ‘I hate me—don’t leave me!’

If you are familiar with my non-fiction work, then it is likely that you are aware of my struggle with borderline personality disorder. For those unfamiliar, borderline is my Achilles’ heel. When I was fifteen, I endured some trauma, and I believe it was this trauma that caused my BPD. In my essay, How Borderline Personality Disorder Manifests In Me, I wrote…

I am not sure if there is much to this scientifically, but I swear I remember the day the BPD emerged. I was walking to school (probably listening to Marilyn Manson). It was a beautiful Sunny Autumn day. But I felt somehow different. I still had not yet acknowledged that I was being raped and abused. However, I had become aware of just how worthless I was feeling. As of that day, the seed of the belief that I am unloveable had sprouted.”

BPD is a mental health disorder, specifically a personality disorder, rather than a mood disorder. While people with borderline can, and typically do, experience extreme mood swings, these mood swings are not the root of the disorder, the way they are with a mood disorder such as bipolar. Rather, quick-changing moods are a symptom of borderline.

Sufferers of borderline struggle, not with a chemical imbalance, but with their cognition. Their perception of both themselves and the world are easily distorted. Perhaps the most common symptom of borderline is an intense fear of abandonment—or at least this is the case in my personal struggle with BPD. Another is to lack a sense of self, to not know who you really are. But the symptom I want to focus on today is ‘splitting’.

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